Madlibby’s Weblog

I think I’m dehydrated.  and it almost just killed me.

 

I have super chapped lips and my tongue is like three sizes too big for my mouth (hot). 

 

I decided right now in the middle of my desert-mouth situation I should try to take a GIGANTIC horse vitamin (I’m too young to die and am CERTAIN that a nice blend of vitamin C and zinc and shark fin oil and whale placenta will keep me from walking into the light in the next week).  So I go for my horse vitamin and take a swig of water and cross my fingers that it makes it down my esophagus (I refuse to spell check that word…REFUSE) but the finger crossing does not work.  The vitamin is stuck in that really horrible place where if I were male, an adams apple would be, except for me it’s a whole foods killer vitamin-apple and I am pretty sure I’m never going to talk again. 

OK, so I have a few options:

1. give myself the hymlich (ohhh shit…I don’t know the hymlich…I can’t even SPELL hymlich!!!!)

2. run into the aisle and wave my arms begging God for mercy and hopefully get struck by lighting

3. give myself a swirly (for funsies)

4. drink some water.

 

OK, self, I say–drink that water like its your JOB!  So I start chugging, then I realize its WORKING!  The water is saving my life!  Hallelujah!  Then I take a short moment to reflect on how excited I am that I’m drinking water and I realize that I’m severely mentally deficient, which in turn makes me laugh, so I’m chugging water AND laughing at the same time…which is awesome (and really difficult).  I start to kind of snort and laugh and hiccup and spit–so I stand up and turn around…and my boss is in my cube doorway just staring at me with her hands on her hips. 

 

Can you get fired for being an asshat?